"And we pray for Kate, father, that you would bless her and keep her in your care, God....I pray you would reveal your plan for her, show her what you have picked out for her life, because I can see she's destined for great things, God..."

The words rang in my head, and I waited slowly for a response - for a revealing, as asked. There was only silence in my head.

Which meant....there was no plan?

There was no plan.

I had no destiny. No plan, nothing great readied for my life.

"Okay, let's pray for Wes* now."

I inhaled deeply and shifted so I could rest my hand on Wes' shoulder, closing my eyes and letting the prayers run through my head and out my fingers. Thank you, God, for Wes, for this beautiful, amazing person you've set before me, for the love in his heart for the people around him, for this talents and uses you've given him specifically. I pray that he would know your love, Jesus, and walk in it, and live for you and no one else. I inhaled shakily and closed my eyes. Jesus, I ask you would reveal your plan for him now, that his future would be in your hands, that you would guide him and his wants would be your wants for him. In Your name...

We prayed for Wes for a little while longer, than moved to Wes' mom, Kelly. I spoke over her, lips moving swiftly, holding her hand in mine and thanking God for this blessing in my life, asking for love and faith over her, praying until I couldn't take it any longer.

There was no plan.

I had no future.

As the prayers turned to someone else, I rose to my feet and stumbled away from the group to my notebook, flipping it open to a new page and picking up a pen.

Dad? God? Are you there? my writing sprawled shakily across the page. They just....they prayed for like, five minutes for a future for me. And I saw nothing. There was nothing, God. Does that mean....I don't want to believe I don't have a future, that you don't have a plan....don't make that true....

Suddenly I was crying, my face against my knees, bawling. Tears stained the deadly words I had just written, plagued my mind with promises of failure, promises that once again I was a stupid kid with no future and nothing to live for.

Then there was warmth.

Wes' arms came around my shoulders, then down to curl around the ball that was my limbs crunched up into a circle. "It's okay..." he said as I collapsed into his shoulder, choking on my air. "It's okay..."

"There isn't a plan..." I spat out, burying my face in his neck and crying, chest heaving, hands shaking. "I want - I want a plan, Wes!"

"Shhh.....it's okay, Kate...."

I was coughing now, choking on my air, heaving back and forth in his grasp. "I'm just....I'm so scared..." I managed. The words were like weights, falling in the air as I said them, ringing home as I realized; I really was scared.

"Of what?" Wes couldn't keep the almost indignant tone from his voice.

"I'm scared of screwing up, of losing it all, of not being worth it, of there not being a plan - I'm scared I'm gonna die and not have accomplished ANYTHING!" I broke down again, wrapping my arms around his chest and sobbing, my breathing restricted. That was the least of my worries.

Wes' hand came up to hold my head gently as I shook, rubbing my arm. "That's a lie, and you know it." He said firmly.

"No! It's not!" I was almost screaming.

"Yes, it is, it's a lie from the enemy and there is no way it's true. God totally has a plan for you, maybe it's just not time for you to see it. Maybe you'd reject it if he showed you now, or you'd never believe it - You've got to trust Him, Kate! He knows better than you do." He inhaled slowly. "And as we're sitting here and I've got my arms around you, I can feel God's here too, and his arms are wrapped around you just like mine are, but his are permanent. I have to let go sometime, Kate, but he doesn't, and he never, ever will."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"I - I'm not ready for you to let go yet."

"Okay."